By Jerome B. Williams, DVM
In a smoke filled room near the five point’s south area of Birmingham, Alabama, I heard this icon of spiritual knowledge and wisdom stated with clarity and confidence; “serenity is better than sex.” The simple but profound statement did not go unchallenged by me or other meeting members. My interest was piqued at his analogy; so much so that during one of our subsequent early A.M. coffee meetings, I questioned him further. I needed to understand his view of serenity.
He began to recount those years of misery and pain. The same stories that many of us with obsessive compulsive diseases such as drug addiction and alcoholism understand, Those all-too-familiar feelings : Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair – the four hideous horsemen of the apocalypse talked about by recovering alcoholics,” rang hauntingly familiar. Many painful memories began to resurface and I remembered how it once was.
When in the midst of this inner spiritual battle there is no way out. One can yearn for serenity, attempt to pray for it, bargain away anything for it-- but it does not come. Such desperation can give the impression that life has no true value; absolutely no meaning. One despairing conclusion could be that life is merely passing along, leaving nothing but shattered hopes and broken dreams. Such appearances of doom lead to a hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit. Sometimes the mental and emotional pain is so severe all options for relief are considered, including suicide. During these times, serenity or peace of mind seem all but lost forever!
Once introduced to the hope of recovery I repeated the words of the serenity prayer but peace still would not come and those early times were emotional and perplexing.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot
change the courage to change things that I can and
the wisdom to know the difference."
Strangely enough, I eventually discovered through working with others who had found a way out of these seemingly hopeless dilemmas, there was hope for me. I was ultimately granted a new lease on life. It was at that point that I could comprehend the word “serenity” and to the core of my being began feeling peaceful at last. It was also at that point that I knew peace and subsequently no longer felt pressure to bear life’s burdens. My burdens were given to a power greater than myself, God of the universe.
Over the years I have encountered a number of individuals who were at that critical jumping off point. These individuals had begun to spiral down an abysmal descent of hopelessness due to a variety of life challenges. These challenges often included; alcoholism, drug addiction, illness, depression, anxiety, fear, gambling, sex, food, divorce and loss. During these times of the “dark night of the soul,” there is an emptiness, a deep knowing that something vital is missing.
Most of us who’ve faced this abyss have tried many things to get help including support from family, friends, self-help meetings, religion and will power. All fail for me until I asked for help from the individuals who’d recovered from that same seemingly hopeless state of mind. These individuals had the tools and knew the steps required to effect a change.
By learning to trust and receive help from my wounded peers who understand the nature of our affliction, hope was somehow restored and a miracle seemed to happen. I slowly grew strength to stand up with dignity, and entered a world of true spiritual freedom. Trust is not easy. In fact, it can be scary, but it is absolutely essential to cultivate it. The key for me was to take things step by step; even when the steps resembled a baby’s beginning stride. The most important thing for me was to remember to persevere, regardless of the pace.
Now I know that knowledgeable, trustworthy individuals and professionals were waiting to help all along when I was ready to ask for help. It was extremely difficult for me to acknowledge that I needed help. Besides, who wants to admit that their way has failed? Especially a licensed, medical professional! Once I finally did, however, there were more than enough hands and arms to support me through the process of reclaiming my sanity.
Today, I’m writing to let others know that there are many more hands and arms waiting to embrace them, if they need support; to help lift them out of their misery and guide them toward a place of peace and serenity. While that might seem unreal and practically impossible at the moment, it really can and is being done!
If you, a loved one, or a fellow colleague needs help, please don’t hesitate to reach out and and ask for help. Help is ready, waiting and eager to begin the healing process with you.
If you are able to help others, we implore you to remember our colleagues and extend a hand to them. We are a profession of individuals who are very prideful, sometimes to our detriment. Please do not allow pride or perceived weakness to hinder you in reaching out to give or receive help.
The icon of spiritual wisdom and knowledge who spoke so eloquently to my soul that night, “Happy Jack,” was an inspirational figure in my personal battle with drug addiction and alcoholism and my guide through 15 years of pain and growth.
Through his illumined consciousness, Jack, and many like him, helped countless others go on to learn about living a life free from the captivity of one’s own ego; a true freedom from the bondage of selfishness. It is from those lessons that our gratitude keeps us going strong, and our desire to serve allows us to continue the message of true peace and serenity.
After years of embracing the path to serenity (and one who also happens to really enjoy sex and count it as one of the greatest pleasures in life), I must fully agree with my late sponsor and friend, Jack ….
"Serenity is better than sex!"
Note: Dr. Williams has been a practicing veterinarian for 38 years and is currently serving as chairman of the Alabama Veterinary Professionals Wellness Committee. He is actively involved in recovery and wellness at all levels, and is available to speak to community and recovery groups upon request. He can be reached at Red Mountain animal clinic, 2148 Greensprings Highway, Birmingham, Alabama 35205, 205-326-8080, website redmountainanimalclinic.com, and email jbw12@prodigy.net
